encouragement.

i havent had a decent nights sleep in over a week. and when i say decent i mean more than 3 or 4 hours a night. i have been living on 4 hours of sleep. monsters. and this determination to not quit school. usually that gets me almost where i need to be. but after a week of that everyday, i was running ragged. every morning i woke up sleep deprived looking forward to bed that night. school was eating me alive. in one week i had two tests, a project and a paper due. not to mention that i have three papers plus another project due next week (but thats besides the point).

last semester, i grew into this little tight knit group. for the most part the 64 students stuck together. we were baby student nurses. we had the most amazing professors that encouraged us and gave us all that they had in order for us to be the most sucessful and best student nurses we could be. i loved going to class. i loved being encouraged. one day our critical thinking professor, Dr. Bonnie Harmer, sent us out a note of encouragement, just because. i kept that note. i always will. i'll share here:

"The most challenging thing I've learned this semester is how to just push through. Things get difficult in life. Sometimes there isn't a whole lot that you can do about it; You just have to keep going because that's the only thing that works. It's a lot like running against the wind. You want to see the road ahead, to know where you're going. But with every step made, it becomes increasingly harder to look forward and see the road ahead. The wind begins to rip at your cheeks, your eyes tear and your face becomes numb with the chill of each passing breeze. Your only option is to look at the ground. Not in pessimism, or in defeat; but rather to know that your feet are landing with every new step, that your balance is still, and your pace is set. And to see where you've been will never tell you how far you have to go. But to look at the ground, and know that it's moving - sometimes that's just all you can do."

at that time and moment. i balled. i cried so hard. never has anyone put into words exactly how i was feeling. that feeling that i wasnt the only one going through this impossible semester. i wasnt the only one breaking down. i wasnt the only one sleepless at night because i was working on my nursing initial assessments or my final care plan for the year.

as i look back, i realize that i have made some mistakes this semester. i dont see myself encouraging my peers, no they are more than just my peers, they are my family, my nursing family. i lost touch with my closet nursing pals. i dont see them as often. i have become too focused on my own homework assignments and projects and my own studying. it changed who i was. i was never the one who chose seriousness over humor and laughing. but i did the last week. i barely laughed and never cracked a joke. i was so serious. i was unhappy. i was self centered. this last week was a little bit of a wake up call for me. i learned i cant do this on my own. i learned that i need to be a part of something bigger. something more than myself.

the other night i lost it. i couldnt handle it anymore. i couldnt handle it anymore. luckily i have the best friends ever. and they took care of me. after my crying and telling me that i am amazing and staying on the phone with more for forever just because that was what i needed to hear. i needed that encouragement. and i realized that all i had to do was say something. i recieved text messages, facebook chat messages, words of encouragement and phone calls. i have been beyond blessed with such a wonderful nursing family. i love each and every single one of you. you mean more than you know. and every kind word and every word of encouragement means the world to me.

i want to be like that. i want to change my current way of doing things. i want to encourage people. i want them to know that i love them. i want them to feel special and i dont ever want them to have to doubt how amazing they are.

God has been so good to me. i know He's going to take care of me.