do things with passion. or dont do them at all.

monday in class we talked about hemorrhage in post partum. at the end of class my instructor told us a story about a woman who came onto the unit in labor. she appeared to be full term and stated that she had not felt fetal movements for about a week. after finally determining that the baby was no longer living, they had to induce labor in order to get the fetus out as soon as possible. once the baby came out, mom started hemorrhaging. our instructor described it as the sound of a shower hitting a metal bucket. there was so much blood that the bucket overflowed and leaked into the room in the floor below. the mother did not make it. she was gone after twenty minutes.

as i watched my instructor tell this story. it was like it happened yesterday even though it had been over 20 years. in my almost two years of nursing school and 4 years of college, i have never "felt" what i felt in that moment. i was emotional. my heart broke for this woman who passed away before i was even born. a woman i didnt know. i've rarely teared up in class about class material. but i couldnt hold it in anymore. and as i am writing this, that feeling in my heart is coming back. that broken heart feeling.

since that moment in class, i knew. i found my place. you would think it was the beautiful moments of seeing a new life brought into this world that would make me want to do this. but it wasnt. it was the heart breaking story that made me want to do what i do. its in those awful hard heart breaking moments that gives us perspective on how good life really is.

all too often we dont see how good life really is. we complain about just about everything. its too cold out. the people at starbucks messed our coffee order up. we had to work thirds for clinical. so and so was late for our meeting. the list goes on and on. some times we need perspective.

i decided that if i am going to get emotional about a story about a woman i didnt know. i decided that i wanted to do this. do things with passion or dont do them at all. especially your work. working in ob, the highs are very high but the lows are beyond low. i strive for excellence. God demands it. i want to make him proud of me more than anything. do things with excellence or dont do them at all.

do what you like and like what you do.