recently i have been thinking about my grandparents. i love them both to death. i remember when i was young, how lively and animated my grandpa used to be. and now all these years later, i have almost forgotten what it was like for him to be like that. looking back at all those years, its been a slow decline to where he is now. of course the stroke several years ago, kinda kick started all these changes.
i just miss my grandpa, even though i see him very often. i miss the person he used to be. i went to see him and my grandma tonight. as i watched him watch tv, the only thing that came to mind was, where did he go? i almost feel like i dont know him any more. i only know the person that he used to be.
its just so hard to see how age and disease takes such a toll on not only the body but also the mind. of couse i have been reading about this kind of medical stuff for years. but sometimes it hits too close to home. and tonight it did. i came home and i tried to do things to keep my brain busy so i didnt have to think about it. i know that God can do miracles and heal my grandpa, but i am also trying to not be in denial about the whole situation. i dont know how long much longer he will be with us. its hard letting go.
sometimes letting out all of these emotions by writing and crying just seem make things a little bit better. i am going to curl up with my Papa and spend some time with Him now.
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